in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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