Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
