Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Randomize
