like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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