i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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