i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
