I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
