hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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