I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
