Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Im part way to drunk.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
