hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
