He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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