apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Randomize
