Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
