so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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