I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
