She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
My penis needs a shock collar
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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