At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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