Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
