So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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