1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
