he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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