you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i dont even know how to be here
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
