at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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