You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Randomize
