She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
