He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
