College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
