Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
