Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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