you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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