i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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