In America we eat man semen.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
My feet surprised me
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