Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
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