New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
