i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
