I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
