So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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