I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
