I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
