I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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