if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Randomize
