Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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