It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
