He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
