I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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