Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
