it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?