i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.