thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.