It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
