I must be too annoying 4 u.
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
