Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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