now i know why i became what i already was.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
