I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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