so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
