Redeem this text for a blowjob
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
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