you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
