Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Life is so much better after having sex.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
