my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
