We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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