All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
