Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
