Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
