Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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