can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
