just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
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So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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