This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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