if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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