Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
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