Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
