Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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