Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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