hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You're like the curious george of whores
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
