I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
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Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
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He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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