and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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