He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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