More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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